Your skin is so smooth – I couldn’t afford you with hair.

You people have no idea how long it takes me to decide which song lyrics to steal for a title.

I was going to do a real post, one with pictures and such but the truth is I’ve spent over £130 on amiibo this weekend and thus I have little to spend on a new outfit to impress you all with.
I know! Heartbreaking! Feel free to set me up a charity or something, I’ll be over here with my little wooly Yoshi.

Now, you shouldn’t despair for I shall no doubt return by the end of the week decked head to toe in the latest idiotic trends for your amusement and no doubt arousal. Consider this fair warning to stock up on lube you depraved animals.

Cheers then.

Mr. Big got an expectation, thinks he thinks he’s my education.

Alright me old cobbers/cobbettes?

Another long break, I know, it really is a good thing I’m not in any blogging groups isn’t it? I think I’d be blacklisted rather quickly if I so much as attempted to join one. Still, I only blog to write and I only write when I’m in the writing mood and I don’t seem to have any say over when I’m in that mood. If you have a problem with that, please take it up with my brain. I’ve tried talking to her but she doesn’t listen to me.

So, what’s new with you? How’s the wife? Still got that rash? Terrible, I feel for you. Me? Well, I’ve been working hard at work which long term readers will know is a rarity for me, it’s really been cutting into my walking around in circles for two hours to see if anyone even notices I’m there time.

My cat brought in a grasshopper today. I don’t know how, I think it was stuck in her fur. Anyway, when it jumped off and started hopping around the bed we both freaked the fuck out and cowered in the corner of the room until someone came to save us. I did my best to explain that she was much faster than me and could probably kill and perhaps eat it but I’m not even sure she speaks English and seemed to content to wait for rescue with me. I’m curious to know if she would have the same plan if the house was ever on fire, because while I’m quite sure she could have killed a grasshopper if she’d wanted to, I’m fairly sure she couldn’t put out a fire or drag my unconscious body through the smoke and flames.

Here is a picture of me and Crysta!

thatstrangegirlkeepsbringingherdildotophotoshoots

I call this look “I wanted Crysta to help me name this look but I think she was afk or busy so I’m just going to name it Aqua Booty” because I wanted Crysta to help me name it but I think she’s afk or busy and I’m listening to Aqua Boogie on repeat and our butts look good. I don’t know. I’m shrugging to you, my future readers as I type this.

I love blogging with Crysta, she makes wonderful outfits and takes lovely pictures leaving me to focus purely on writing nonsense! This collaboration wasn’t really planned, I’d shown Crysta my outfit shortly before passing out last night and she suggested we do a post together. When I woke up today after my five hour after work nap, she was looking prettyful and a post was made! Simple! Future generations would come to know this day as “Aqua Booty Day” and celebrate by learning to swim wearing latex catsuits in between long sessions of funk.

I’m not entirely sure why I have a dildo with me in the picture. Perhaps someone put superglue on it as a prank and I didn’t have time to remove it? They didn’t, but feel free to believe that or use your own imagination to conjure up some sort of explanation, it’ll be fun!

Stuff.

Hair. Spellbound.
Another lovely Spellbound hair, the bow is adorable. This might be discounted somewhere? I think I remember reading that in a notice? I could be very wrong or I could have been right if I’d told you sooner. Regardless, by the time you read this it’s likely full price again so just go buy it.
Catsuit. N*Monkey.
I’ll admit, I’ve never heard of this place before but if they’re going to be making more latex things, that’s good and they should be rewarded with praise and perhaps a yakult.
Fur.. thing. T. Whore.
I love fur. I hope this is real fur, maybe from like, a purple bear or something, maybe a care bear? Wearing it gives you +5 empathy which ironically makes you hate yourself for wearing real animal fur.
Heels. DirtyMind.
This place gets points purely for making heels in the exact shade of purple I needed. Maybe the owner is from an alternate future where I couldn’t find the shoes I needed for this post and instead made a long rant about how nowhere made the right colour purple heels which inspired an ill fated revolution killing millions? We’ll never know.
Collar. Happy Undead.
I think most people own this collar but I’m not sure people are aware that it’s had an update. You can change the colour of the metal now along with the charm on the back. Maybe people already do that and I’m the only one who didn’t, either way, information!
Dildo. Under my bed.
Hahaha, that was a hilarious joke. It’s actually from bwish. You can buy and carry one around with you too or perhaps shove it up one of your holes? The choice is yours!

Stuff with less words.

Skin. Sugar Garden
Earrings. Blah.
Belly Chain. Puncture.

I think that might be everything?

Crysta’s details can be found here! I highly suggesting following her blog and flickr too, easily the hardest working blogger I know!

I’ve got two weeks off work soon. I don’t really have any plans. I hinted that I may decide to eat pizza from my favourite pizza place every single day but that idea has been quickly shot down. I’m still going to go at least twice though. Fuck me, that pizza is heavenly. You can also attempt to hug swans on the way there since it’s right on the river, most of the time they seem like they don’t want a hug but occasionally you see that little glimmer in their eyes, that little hint that despite their hostile demeanor, deep down, they crave the comfort that only a human’s arms can bring.

One day, after drinking far too much overpriced wine from the aforementioned pizza place, I will hug a swan and likely die shortly afterwards.

I’m going to turn in now, it’s getting late and these old bones need rest. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do kids!

All I ever wanted was your life.

This blog inspires me to go out and do new things so I have more to talk about. Today I met a dog who I think was called Elvis and rescued my cat from the top of the wardrobe using a washing basket and a whistle.

Loyal readers will note how weird the blog looks. I decided to play with themes and it went horribly wrong. I can’t get it back to it’s previous, near perfect state so we’re stuck like this. It’s a travesty I’m sure you’ll agree.

I’ve been eating these “Discovery Patch” sweets a lot, mainly because the advert features the words “fat, spiky ball” and it’s hilarious every time. They come in three different types but obviously you get the one with mermaids in because you want to lick mermaid boobs in the privacy of your own home. They’re quite nice. I used to like these other sweets until they changed the banana flavour snakes into lemon flavour snakes. Fascists.

We’ve had perfect weather the last two days, warm but raining. I love that weird smell you get when it starts raining on a warm day. I probably wouldn’t wear it if they managed to bottle it as a fragrance though. Some air freshener company is trying to sell some plug in things that apparently smell like four different national parks. Do you know what national parks smell like? Wet grass and dog shit with notes of disappointment when you realize that the school trip you’d been looking forward to is three hours sat in a field listening to some idiot talk about erosion.

Here is a picture of me.

ahorriblenighttohaveacurse

I call this look “Stripper at a funeral” because I’d like to live in a world were strippers attend every event in some form of themed stripping attire. I think that would probably lead to a lot of strippers who can’t really drive passing driving tests which would no doubt end in many, many deaths on the roads which in turn would mean more funerals for strippers where the other strippers attend in similar outfits to the one pictured above leading to an increase in heart attacks among old religious type people. All in all, I think this one change could really tackle the problem of overpopulation and I hope to see it implemented by 2017 at the latest.

I don’t know what the theme would be for a driving test though. Maybe a slutty traffic cone.

Anyway, as you’ve probably guessed I visited the dark style fair. It was hell. Lovely things for sale, of course, but ridiculous lag and payment problems. I saw idiots attempting to walk around with scripted weapons, I saw idiots dragging other afk idiots around on leashes taking up two spots in the sim for no real reason. All in all, it was idiots galore. That rhymes, sort of. Tee hee.

To be perfectly honest with you, there is an element of trickery involved in this outfit. There’s a little overlapping when viewed from certain angles and thanks to a lack of alpha layers the collar occasionally clips. So, if you decide to replicate this, stand very still.

Stuff.

Hat and Hair. Spellbound.
I was ready for this to be terrible. I do not have a good track record with hats in SL, hats are my Ultros, but it was all okay. There’s not a lot else to say, bit anti-climatic. I used to live near a shop that seemed to only stock porn mags and ice poles. Also, this is from the Dark Style Fair.
Jacket. Secret Store.
I love this jacket and most things this place puts out actually. The white version is obviously my favourite but I had to go with black for this stripper funeral outfit for obvious reasons. I believe it’s an old Collabor88 item but it’s in store now.
Gloves. Tapi.
Tapi makes a lot of neat, sometimes pervy things and doesn’t get nearly enough attention as far as I’m concerned. I’ve also known her a while and she has a big brown butt. Sometimes you might think you’ve met Tapi but aren’t entirely sure if that’s the case. In this situation I advise you to examine the person’s rear. Is it brown? Is it also large? If so, you may just be speaking to Tapi.
Skirt and Suspenders. Razor.
Lovely skirt but I have to say it’s kinda hard to wear mesh tops with. I’d have loved an option to turn off the suspenders. I don’t think you’re actually meant to try and wear mesh tops with it though, so, depending on how much of your tit area you like to expose, you may have even more fun with it than I did! This store’s great actually, I wasn’t really aware of them before. I got this at the Dark Style Fair but I’m not actually sure if it’s exclusive to there!
Heels. Blah.
There’s an exclusive black version of these at the Dark Style Fair with some additional colours for the charms and bows, I’m wearing the normal version here though, which is also at the fair but I think will be in the store later.
Mask. Illusions.
This mask is still one of my favourite things ever. Anytime I feel an outfit needs a little more pizzazz I put it on and BAM pizzazz as far as the eye can see. I’m stood here knee deep in pizzazz right now, going to have to clean it up when I finish this post.

Stuff with less words.

Skin. Sugar Garden.
Ink. Utopiah and Infected.
Stockings. StickyZ.
Collar. Happy Undead.
Cross. Tres Blah.
Bangles. Apple May Designs.

I think that’s probably everything.

I’m having cheese pasta for dinner. With hot dog sausages. Today is the fabled three hotdog sausage meal week. Yesterday was regular hotdogs, today is hotdog pasta, tomorrow is hotdog bagels. Thursday is beans on bagel day. Maybe pizza on Friday if my dastardly plan comes together. More on that later. Possibly. Look forward to it but like, not too much in case it doesn’t happen. You know when you start getting older and each year you’re less and less sure you’ll be getting sweets on Halloween? That sort of anticipation, where you’ve already accepted deep down that it’s probably not going to happen but it sure would be nice if it did.

I can’t stop eating Oreos today. Those double stuffed buggers. It’s impossible to go back to a regular stuffed way of life now isn’t it? I think this is what they mean when they warn you about gateway drugs, I’m on the hard stuff now and there’s no way back for me, I’ve hit rock bottom, I lay here in a pile of discarded biscuit halves, you know the one without the cream on? Those.

That should do it. I’ll be off.

Sitting on a cornflake, waiting for the van to come.

I have to hold my head at a specific angle to hear sound from the left side of my headset, it’s giving me neck ache.

Another quick text only post here to let people know that my lovely friend Crysta over at .poisoned candies. did a post with my last outfit and it looks wonderful.

I have to thank Crysta for allowing me to use her posestand for the vast majority of my posts, I’d also like to thank her for always being so supportive, we’ve known each other a long time and I’m very easy to give up on!

That was all very serious for my blog wasn’t it?

My cat ate about half a bowl of sweet and salty popcorn earlier. The sound of a cat trying to chew popcorn is my new favourite thing.

I need to go rest my neck. Night!

So here I go, I’m still scratching around in the same old hole.

You really can’t go wrong with an iced bun, can you?

I’ve got a week off work soon and I’m going to the zoo. I haven’t been to the zoo for ages, I think going to the zoo should probably happen at least once every two years. I think if you went too much you wouldn’t enjoy it as much and the animals would get sick of seeing you. Like, when a friend turns up out of the blue and you haven’t seen them for a while, it’s nice but then they keep coming back and drinking all your wine and suddenly those depressing nights sat drinking alone in the dark seem so much nicer so the next time you hear that knock at the door or hear the phone ring you pretend you’re not home until they leave. Eventually they take the hint and resent you for not just being honest with them and you lose yet another friend but you’ll always have wine.
I think that’s what the animals must think if you go to the zoo too much.

Last time I went to the zoo they wanted me to feed penguins but that meant touching fish so I refused. I hope they found someone else to do it, I don’t need dead penguins on my mind.

Waltz #1 might be one of my favourite songs ever. If I ever turn into a monster and go on a rampage, I think that will be the song they have to play to calm me down so they can attack my weak points. I don’t carry any money or anything interesting to drop, so I’ll probably be that one boss no one bothers to farm. I hope I’m difficult to beat though, I hope I have like lasers or something and can maybe summon cats to help me, that would be nice.

Here is a picture of me.

nowwheredidiputthatstring

I call this look “That one outfit where I tried to finally combine gold and silver and failed so resorted to just gold instead” because I’ve been trying to use both gold and silver in one outfit for ages and I thought this was that outfit and it wasn’t.
I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I always use either gold or silver, never both. I don’t think it can be done you know, it sounds so simple but I just can’t make it work. It’s like toasting bread, that bottom right corner is going to get burnt every time. In my toaster at least. I guess I could just buy a new toaster but until I do, that’s a good comparison.

This is the first outfit I’ve made and been happy with for a while actually, it all just sort of feel into place. Apart from the Loud Mouth. I hate fitting things. I don’t actually know who made Loud Mouth but they are banned from my next birthday party for making something really pretty that drove me mad. Your creation is the SL equivalent of that one girl I fell in love with.

Stuff

Skin. Sugar Garden.
I’m in love with E tone right now, I think I’d used it once or twice before but I kept falling back to A. This is Eun-Seo, the newest I think, I love it and I love the fact that tsg seems to have every applier you’d ever want, it’s always nice when a skin shop is on the ball with these things.
Hair. Spellbound.
Didn’t actually notice this place spring up. I’ve been that disconnected from the world of making pretty things to stare at. I’m guessing they’re semi-new still? As usual, I do no research, regardless, I love every single hair they have, which is rare. This one even works with tits, which doesn’t sound like a big deal because most hair places claim to make hairs that work with tits but they don’t really. It’s a dirty little secret that I am exposing right now on my blog. World Exclusive, turn to pages 4, 5, 6 and 15 for more.
Shirt. Illmatic.
I had my tangos on before I found this shirt, so, you can blame this place for my first post after such a long break being like, I don’t know 43% less busty. I love the shirt though. Is it a shirt or a tee or something else? I don’t know, it’s nice though!
Skirt. Sugar Garden.
An xxs skirt I can wear with my cute azz that doesn’t need an alpha? Excuse me while I go masturbate in the corner of the room.
Boots. Gos.
I forgot that Gos did things that weren’t heels but they do, like these. They are nice. I’m wearing double socks in this picture because that’s just the kind of person I am. I hate it when people wear odd socks to try and be “quirky” though, fair enough if you actually want to wear different coloured socks but if you really only have the use of socks to express your personality, well, take a look at your life is all I’m saying.

I think that’s everything. Well, it’s not but it’s the only things I have comments for, so, here are the other items presented in a slightly less rambling way.

Choker. RYCA
Necklace. Gabriel
Cuffs. Random Matter
Mini-ramble. I used to live next to this store and I had no idea until after I moved out.
Stockings. Forever Young
Ink. Utopiah and Infected

That’s probably everything.

I think I was about 23% more helpful than usual which is pretty good for me, isn’t it?

If I was still in school I’d probably give myself, like, two stickers for this post and I’d even let myself pick which ones I wanted (Red smiley face and blue smiley face.)

I’m going to go to sleep now because I think I have work in like four or five hours, I forget. I hope it’s five hours, that extra hour will go down a treat with my brain and eyes. They’ll be so happy, the little scamps.

There’s a channel over here called E4 that seems to just run repeats of Big Bang Theory all day. I didn’t laugh the first time E4 and I’m still not laughing now, I think you need to start showing Bob’s Burgers again before I get mad and possibly turn into some sort of laser and cat summoning monster that will need a party of at least 8 competent players to beat.

Nap time. Adios!

There’s a lot of nothing in the words, I know.

Alright me old cobbers?

This is a short, text only post. You’ll soon notice this as you reach the end of it and think to yourself “Well, that was short. Also, I saw no pictures, only text.”

Firstly, I’d like to apologize for leaving you all without guidance for so long, I know it can’t have been pleasant. Luckily for you, I shall be returning soon, with pictures that will inspire you to be a better person and sort your life out. Your family and friends are all worried about you.

What have I been up to? Well, it’s kind of you to ask and even though I get the feeling you’re just being nosy, I’ll go ahead and tell you because I do so enjoy talking about myself.

I haven’t really been up to anything. I moped about for a while, pretended to be a hairy black man and then came back here. Ate quite a few yoghurts, like, one every morning I’d say? Hard to judge really isn’t it? Other than that not a lot.

So why haven’t I been posting? Well, my dear friends, that’s the £2.50 question isn’t it?
The me who usually posts isn’t the me who was me while I wasn’t posting. It’s quite simple. I’m not sure this me that’s me right now is that old me either but we or they at least share enough similarities for me/us/them/her to get back to posting, so we/I shall do exactly that.

Please look forward to new pictures of me posing in uncomfortable looking positions in outfits no one would ever really wear.

See you around, yeah?

Don’t struggle like that or I will only love you more.

Just had a “Gorilla Vanilla” flavour yoghurt. Classic.

There’s a street near my house that often has boxes and cups and other rubbish from fast food places scattered there. The weird thing is none of those places are anywhere near this street. Now you could say that people are buying food and walking along while they eat it but even if that were the case they’d have either finished it long before they reached this street or it would be stone cold by the time they got there. It’s a nice area too, there’s no litter apart from these fast food containers in this one street. Well, like any sensible person would do in this situation, I have started keeping a log of what appears in that street and on what day. I’m afraid I can’t narrow it down to what time because I am forced to attend a much less important job in order to obtain money. If I could, I would set up camp on one of the rooftops and monitor the situation 24/7.

I had a dream last night. I don’t remember much of it but I was smoking cigars and I don’t think I was me. That’s not the odd part though, I woke up upside down. I don’t actually remember going to sleep, so it’s quite possible I was just watching TV laid that way around like I do sometimes which doesn’t make it very weird at all and sort of takes something away from what would have been a wonderful little story so feel free to forget that part if you wish and marvel at the girl who sometimes wakes up the wrong way around.

Here is a picture of me.

thestoryofonepersonwhowasntaperson

I call this look “Corpse Party” because I’ve been playing that game again and it sort of led to this look. See? Sometimes I give the looks names that make sense. It’s boring isn’t it? Don’t you wish I’d call it something more fun? Like “Amateur surgery behind the ketchup factory”

Messy isn’t it? Overall, I like the way it turned out. I started with the bandages and worked from there. The hardest part was deciding if the fishnets should go over or under the bandages. I went with over in the end. I like to think I was trying to get dressed with those huge claws, that explains the rips.

Stuff.

Skin. Tres Blah.
Tres Blah skins are still some of my favourites. I vaguely remember IMing the creator and demanding she make slink appliers one night which was very rude and I apologise. But come on, please?
Hair. Elikatira.
I actually have no idea if Elikatira is even open anymore. Didn’t they have a closing down sale? In typical Nomenclature fashion, I have no helpful information for you. Search for it!
Coat. Tee*fy.
This is from Collabor88 which is likely still a laggy mess but it’s worth putting up with this time around, some really nice items there including this wonderful coat. I only wish it was made from real fur.
Dress. Happy Undead.
I was searching for a dress to wear under this coat for ages. Eventually I started bugging people for help and one of them led me to this. I think the lesson here is to never try and do anything for yourself.
Fishnets. Blowpop.
I actually thought Blowpop had shut down but it turns out they haven’t. So maybe I’m wrong about Elikatira too. Who knows? It’s a mystery. A very easily solvable mystery but a mystery none the less! Is easily solvable correct grammer? Another mystery.
Boots. Lethal? (I think.)
This is another one of those places where I’m not actually sure what the shop is called. Ask me if you want a LM though!
Claws. ni.Ju
Would you believe me if I told you this is the third item where I was sure the shop had closed? Because it is. Anyway, it’s not closed so go buy some claws.

I think that’s everything.

If I was a visitor to this blog I would be appalled at how unhelpful it actually is but I’m not.

Is anyone planning on playing FFXIV? If so you better not play as an Arcanist or I’ll kick you in the shins and spit on your sandwiches. Arcanist is my class and I’m sick of having to play a Marauder and watch you all suck at it. I will ruin a sandwich every time your Carbuncle uses Backdraft, if you run out of sandwiches I will move on to whatever else you have lying around the kitchen. This is your final warning.

This post has taken so long to do. I keep getting distracted, even more so than usual and also my mouse is a broken double clicking bastard and I hate him. He’s sat there as I type this, looking all smug. Jokes on him though because he’s about to be replaced. I’m not sure what I’ll do with him once the new mouse arrives. Probably just stick him in the loft. I have loads of empty Game Boy boxes in the loft, no idea why. Did anyone play Lion King on Game Boy? Intense. People think Dark Souls is hard, you play Lion King on a fat Game Boy. In the afternoon. With no artificial light.

Anyway, I’m bored now so I’m off.